2010 Resolutions Real People Should Make

We always have a better sense of the resolutions our friends should make than those we should make ourselves. My own are rather simple: become wealthier and master the art of invisibility. But for certain of our friends across the pond, I have a few words of advice.

Hideaki Anno (above): Stop Ruining Eva

Next thing he’ll be telling us that Kaoru shot first. Granted, I would buy a cardboard box with Neon Genesis Evangelion printed on it (True Story: I did once buy a cardboard box with Negima printed on it and a tiny, incomprehensible Japanese label; it turned out to contain some OVAs) but someone needs to tell this pathbreaking, visionary director that these films are (not) needed. Man, admit you made a flawed masterpiece and move on.

Kyouto Animation: Stop Messing With Us

A seven-minute take of Nagato reading a book. The opening of Kannagi that has nothing to do with the show. And let’s not even touch on the whole Endless Eight affair. I think KyoAni (behind some of my favorite series, including Kanon) just likes yanking our chain; and sure, it’s charming, but would a jocular New Years’ “we’re sorry” be too much to ask?

Beat Takeshi: Show America Some Love

I haven’t mentioned this before, but I do consider Japanese polymath “Beat” Takeshi Kitano a world-class entertainer, as well as one of the three sexiest men alive (the others being Outkast’s Andre “3000″ Benjamin, and of course myself). This year, I’d love to see him pull a Ken Watanabe and move to Hollywood for a spell to relieve the dreadful state of American film.

Japanese PM Yukio Hatoyama: Stay In Touch

You know that feeling when a close friend, perhaps a bit of a loser, suddenly gains a significant other? Sure, you’re happy for the guy; but you hope it doesn’t damage his relationship with you. With Hillary Clinton trying to smooth over a new furor over our military bases in Okinawa and other age-old issues, my message to Mr. Hatoyama is this: no matter what happens, we can still be friends…right?